


And Then You Found Me

by taeontae



Category: SHINee
Genre: Angst, M/M, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-17
Updated: 2017-06-17
Packaged: 2018-11-15 07:15:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11225976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taeontae/pseuds/taeontae
Summary: Onew is a guide for the recently departed, leading their souls down the path to either cross over or move onto their next life.  He has no memory of his time on Earth before this and had given up on finding out who he really was until a car accident victim causes emotions to stir inside him that he thought had been lost with his life and his memories when he came here.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> crossposted from aff

A dark figure stood off to the side, unnoticed, the aftermath of the accident unfolding around him.  The screams and cries just background noise, people simply blurring into the scenery; he had seen all of this before, almost exactly or in some other variation.   He could still hear the pulse of the passenger drumming faintly in his ears, so he continued to wait patiently.  The paramedics finally arrived at the scene, quickly getting the boy out of the wreckage and going to work on him immediately.  They always carried so much hope he thought to himself, seeing their efforts go unavailing, as he knew they would.  He pulled his pocket watch out to check the time, it wouldn’t be much longer now.

After securing the limp body on the stretcher, the medic continuing chest compressions, they were lifted into the back of the ambulance, the relatively unharmed driver of the totaled vehicle climbing in behind them, clearly in a state of shock.  

“So what happens now?”  A soft voice sounded next to him.

“Now, you come with me Taemin,” he answered very matter-of-factly.

Taemin nodded, eyes glued on the scene in front of him, watching his best friend’s face disappear as the doors of the ambulance closed.  That seemed to have a greater effect on him than the realization that he had just died.  The panic stricken look on his friend’s face, the fact that Jongin was going to have to cope with this.  It wasn’t his fault the other car hadn’t stopped at the intersection, that he was lucky enough to survive and unfortunately Taemin was not.  The sirens blared, and quickly faded as the truck raced to the nearest ER.

He was lost in his thoughts for a while and hadn’t noticed the man dressed in black begin walking down the road. The figure’s blonde hair a stark contrast to his suit.  

He spoke without turning, “please follow me, stay close.”

Taemin jogged to catch up with him.  “Where are we going?”  He questioned, looking to the mysterious man.  

He was answered only with silence.

“Why are we walking?  Can’t you like…teleport us, or something?”  Taemin’s curiously continued.

“Why?  Are you in a hurry?  Do you have somewhere you need to be now?”  The man replied sarcastically, his eyes never leaving the road stretched ahead of them.

Taemin frowned and shook his head, “No, I guess not” looking forward now as well.  

The guide felt bad for his tone before, even though he meant nothing by it, “I know you have questions, and unfortunately I don’t think I’m the best to answer them all.  They will all be answered in time.”

The silence settled between them for a while, the only sound was their footsteps on the pavement.  Taemin took in his surroundings; the populated area where he met his guide took on a more picturesque form.  Housing became more spread out, the green on the trees became denser, and the smell of wildflowers invaded his nose, the small field to the left of them dotted with blooms of white and yellow.  The hum of cicadas filled the temporary silence, and fireflies started to pop in and out of the fading light.  Taemin sighed heavily, was this the last time he was going to experience these things?

Despite the realization (he was never one to dwell) the recently departed couldn’t help but keep interrogating his guide, “so, what are you?  Do you have a name?”

Yet again there was no response.

“How long have you been doing this?” Taemin stared at the other waiting, determination in his face to get some kind of answer.

The man sighed.  “I don’t have a title.  I don’t remember my real name, but others here have called me Onew, and awhile.”  

“Do you like it?”

The man, Onew, stopped suddenly and looked at the young man incredulously, “are you serious?”

Taemin just shrugged.

Onew shook his head in disbelief and walked on.  He was becoming curious himself about the young man, his reaction to situation intrigued him, “aren’t you scared?  Angry?  Or Sad?”

“No, not really.  I guess, maybe, I’m a little sad.  Why do you ask?”  He looked down shuffling his feet lazily along the road, scraping the soles of his shoes.  

“You seem to be taking this well.  Most people have some sort of reaction.  Anger. Fear.  Denial. Those are the ones I see most often.”  Onew looked over at him.

“I think people who may feel those things didn’t try to live their life to the fullest.  Maybe they didn’t make the most of the time they were alive.  Maybe they had something left to apologize for, someone they had wronged, regret.  I think maybe that was why I was never afraid of dying…”  He said rather simply, “I treated everyday as a chance.  I know our time isn’t infinite.  I tried to do my best for myself and treat those around me well.”  He thought about what he said, silent for a few moments. “I mean, I didn’t always succeed, but I tried.  I guess that’s why I’m not angry.  And what’s there to be afraid of?”

Onew raised his eyebrows and gave a quick glance.

Taemin chuckled, “should I be afraid?”

Onew’s lips quirked a little bit and just shook his head.

“Right…denial…well, I’m clearly here.  I’m dead.  I saw it.  None of those feelings can change that fact.”

“Neither can sadness.”  Onew finally chimed in.

“No, you’re right, it won’t.”  Taemin looked to the sky now, the clouds turning a peachy hue in the setting sun.  “But I am sad I didn’t get to do everything I wanted to.  I am…was…” he snorted, “young.  I will miss my family, my friends.  And it makes me feel awful knowing they will be in pain because of me.”  He sighed and returned his gaze to his feet.

Onew nodded, impressed, he couldn’t remember a time when he had led a person with such resolve, especially someone that was taken so suddenly, one so young.  Older souls tended to accept this fate more easily, having more time to come to terms with their mortality.  Younger ones resisted, tried to deny it, not able to believe that their time was up.  But Taemin calmly walked by his side taking in the scenery around them as if he was committing everything to memory.

Darkness was falling, and for the first time since his own life ended, he felt a pang in his chest of regret.  

~

They walked on for a quite a while longer before Taemin started to lag behind.  “Why am I getting tired?”

“Have you ever heard that an amputee’s missing limb could still be felt after it’s gone?”  Onew stopped at a slight clearing, leaning against a wooden fence post.  

Taemin cocked an eyebrow and looked at him questioningly as he pushed himself up to sit on the top of the wooden beam.  “What are you getting at?”

“Your soul still feels attached.  You haven’t completely passed on yet, right now you are in a sort of limbo.  So you may still feel a connection to your body, even if you don’t have one.”  He tried to explain, “you’ve had a tough day, a lot has happened, to say the least, it’s normal to feel worn.  It’s more in your mind than anything.”

“When will that stop?”  

“When you finally cross over.”

“How far do we go? Or how long will that take?”  Taemin took advantage at Onew’s sudden willingness to talk.

“That depends on you.”  

Taemin looked at him, waiting for him to continue.  

“It’s different for everyone.  Some cross over almost right away, some never do.”

Taemin looked down at the blonde.  “Like you?”

Onew was silent for a while and then answered, “Yeah, like me.”

Taemin immediately felt like he went over the line somehow, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean anything. I just…”

“No, don’t be sorry.  It’s true.”  Onew looked up at  Taemin and smiled, something he couldn’t remember doing for a very long time or maybe ever.

The sight of Onew’s face illuminated in the pale light of the rising moon nearly took Taemin’s breath away, and his expression must have shown it, because Onew kept trying to reassure him.  “Really, it’s no big deal.  I didn’t take it….”

“It’s not that,” Taemin interrupted

Onew tilted his head slightly in question.

“You’re smile.”  Taemin hopped off the fence and stood in front of his guide.  He quickly studied his face from the hairline to the chin, taking it all in, like he’d regret it later if he forgot what this looked like.  “it’s…uhm, well it’s weird but…I find it oddly comforting.”  He said awkwardly as he looked at him in an almost adoring way.  

Onew felt a lump form in is throat before the other turned away to hop over the fence and walked into the small clearing.  The exchange lasted only a few seconds but it left Onew feeling flustered. He watched Taemin’s silhouette wander aimlessly in the field, fireflies buzzing around him, looking up at the stars.  

“Is this the last time I’ll see the stars?” He called back.  

“I can’t answer that.”  Onew cringed at his response, he wanted to tell the boy no.  He didn’t want to be the one to tell him that this could be the last time he could see any of this, do any of this, feel any of this.  Despite his attitude Onew could see the forlorn look growing on Taemin’s face as the darkness fell.  For some reason, he wanted to give the guy some hope.  Something to look forward to.  

Taemin walked back to him after a few minutes, his hands cupped together in front of him.  “Why not?”

“Because I don’t know, it’s possible I guess, everything is different for everyone.” Onew said trying to sound positive, which was risky enough in their circumstance.  

Taemin’s face relaxed a little and he gave a small smile.  “Look.”  He brought his hands up to Onew’s face and opened his thumbs to reveal a bunch of fireflies he had captured in the field.  Onew closed one eye and peeked in at them with the other.  Taemin laughed.  “I hate bugs.  I’m terrified of them, even now as an adult.  But for some reason, these never bothered me.”  

Onew’s vision blurred, when he opened the other eye to try to focus, he saw a child’s hands held in front of him instead of Taemin’s, a little boy of maybe 10 years old shushed him and then laughed running off into the field where a smaller boy was.  

“Hyung stop!”  The younger squealed.  

“Don’t be scared, please!”  

“But I don’t like them.  They’re creepy.  What if one bites?!”  He cringed.  

The smaller one ran off, while the other chased after him, dodging each other, slipping in the damp grass.  Soon they were laughing, stumbling and rolling on the ground.  Eventually the younger boy got tired and sank down on his heels.  

“Here.”  The older one softly said sitting next to him as he held out his hands just as Taemin had done for him a moment ago.  

The young boy hesitantly peeked in and smiled at what he saw.

“See.  It’s nothing to be afraid of.”  

Taemin watched Onew for several moments, a look of utter shock on the guide’s face as he stared out into the open field, never blinking.   “Are you okay?”  

The sound of Taemin’s voice jolted him from the vision that had appeared in front of him.  

“Hyung…are you okay?”  Taemin’s voice had a tinge of concern now.

Jinki nodded absently at first, still trying to gather his thoughts.  “Wait…what did you call me?”  

“Hyung? Is that not okay? If you don’t remember your name, I assumed you didn’t remember your age but you do seem…older than me…”  Taemin grinned. 

When Onew looked back at Taemin it was like it was the first time he was truly seeing him since the scene of the accident, it was new and strangely familiar at the same time. 


	2. Chapter 2

Taemin shuffled along behind Onew , remaining quiet for a while. He was a little cautious because of what happened back in that small field. Onew was standing there next to him but clearly his mind had left. And the look in his eyes, whatever he saw, had quite the effect on him while he was in that state. He saw the man’s hands tremble, eyes glass over and start to gnaw at his lower lip. As curious as he was to ask questions he refrained, knowing that it had shaken up his guide alarmingly so if it caused him to break the stoic facade that he had presented from the moment he had picked him up.

Taemin stared up at the sky getting lost in his own thoughts, letting the silence take him in. Onew heard a heavy sigh come from the young man and looked back at him. His face took on an ethereal quality in the moonlight and he briefly thought that something like that didn’t belong in the mortal world anyway. But his brows furrowed and Onew felt bad for his silence not for the first time since being with Taemin.

“What are you thinking about?” Onew immediately cringed at the lame question but Taemin seemed unaffected by the simplicity of it and responded in jest.

“Hmm, everything. Nothing.”

“That’s vague.”

“Sorry, I guess what I mean is, I’m thinking about a lot, but none of it really matters.”

“Why not?”

“Well....I’m dead.” He ended the statement with a little chuckle but Onew knew better than to buy into it.

“That doesn’t mean it doesn’t matter.”

“I just graduated.” Taemin explained. “And I mean JUST graduated. Jongin and I were going back from where the ceremony was to our loft to pack up for the weekend. Spend it with our families before we went on a vacation. I was going to leave for grad school in a couple months. We wanted to take a break together, knowing it was kind of the end of an era.” He chuckled again. “We had no idea the kind of end it would be.”

Onew didn’t know what to say, this wasn’t what he was used to. He would lead the souls down whatever path was needed for them to move on. Babies he would carry and children sometimes held his hand but rarely a word was spoken. But here with Taemin he felt like he should say something, offer some words of comfort or wisdom. Now he floundered, trying to find something, anything, and kicked himself for even opening his mouth in the first place.

“Is it fate?” Taemin asked.

“Is what?”

“Our death. Is it predestined?”

Onew was glad for the somewhat change in subject. Questions he could answer, advice and a shoulder to lean on were a little more complicated for him to deal with.

“Yes. But it’s ever changing. Everything you do, everything you say, sets things in motion. A ripple effect.”

“So I could have been to set to die a certain way yesterday, but something I did set a new a chain of effects in motion.”

“Possibly.”

“Wow.”

“That’s a very simple version of it though. It’s much more complex than that. Not only the choices you make but everyone else in the world, family, friends, strangers. Every action has a reaction and could possibly have enough weight to change the future in the world.”

~

The sun started to come up, rays of light filtering through the trees, dew drops sparkling on the leaves and grass. Taemin heard the sound of water through the woods and turned off into the cut.

“Taemin...” Onew stopped and watched the boy go further into the shade. “Taemin!” He called louder.

Taemin made no move to look like he heard the guide or that he cared right now.

Onew turned to follow him quickly, the boys’ back getting harder to see in the heavy shade of the forest in the new light of morning.

“Taemin...slow down...” Onew stumbled behind him.

Taemin broke into almost a run, ducking under limbs and hopping gracefully over fallen trees. Onew couldn’t catch up, clumsily following the same path but managed to keep him at least in his range of sight.

The light got brighter and he saw the forest thin out. He huffed into the clearing, just in time to see Taemin pull his shirt over his head, kicking his shoes off hurriedly and letting his pants fall to the ground. He turned to Onew smiling brightly before he climbed onto the rocks.

Onew caught himself before he yelled to be careful, almost instinctively, it's not like it mattered anymore. The boy was dead, they were dead.

Taemin looked down to the water about 12 feet below and dived in without hesitation.

Onew watched him nervously and in awe. The way his body glowed in dawn’s light, the way he smiled at him, eyes still somehow full of...life. And fearlessly jumping into the water like that. He saw Taemin emerge, dark hair plastered to his face, he was smiling as he shook off the excess water brushing the raven locks out of his eyes.

“Wooooo!” He yelled out.

Onew automatically smiled, ear to ear. Hearing his laughter and excitement filled him with a warmth he had no idea existed in him until now. It made his heart ache, he felt his eyes prickle with the sting of tears. Not out of sadness though, no. He couldn’t explain it, but he knew this feeling wasn’t sadness.

“Onew!” Taemin hollered splashing around, “jump in.”

“Isn’t it cold?” He called back to him.

“Why? Are you worried you’ll get sick?” He laughed

Onew shook his head, still smiling, not able to wipe the grin from his face if he tried. “No...I...I’m fine up here.”

“Awe, come on.” Taemin pouted as he hoisted himself up on the bank making his way over to the guide.

Onew saw the prickle of goosebumps on his skin and felt his hand twitch in a motion to touch his arms. He stopped himself.

Taemin looked at him playfully, “come on!” He pulled on Onew’s arm, trying to shrug him out of his jacket.

“Stop!” Onew braced himself, digging his heals in the dirt almost toppling them both over.

“Onew~” Taemin whined.

Onew soon found himself laughing, wrestling around with the other as he tugged himself closer to the banks. He couldn’t believe a grown man could sound so adorable.

“Please hyung, swim with me!”

“OKAY OKAY, just stop pulling on me!” He laughed.

Taemin let go and stood smiling pleased that he had caved.

Onew took off his waist coat, and black trousers, folding everything neatly. Once undressed he moved to stand next to Taemin.

“Ready?” Taemin looked over at him excitedly.

Onew gave a brief nod and felt the young man grab his hand, leading him up to the top of the rocks.

Taemin dove in first again, and Onew waited until he saw his head bob back up at the top, black hair matted to his face like before. He chuckled as he watched him shake it out of his eyes.

“JUMP!”

Taemin would’ve been holding his breath had he needed to breathe as he watched Onew dive in, a perfect form gently splashing into the river.

When he hit the water a cold wave washed over him, painful and refreshing at the same time, sending a shiver from his scalp all the way to his toes. As he felt his body start to sink he arched back up and kicked his way to the surface. He popped out, blonde hair sticking about chaotically. Taemin giggled as Onew wiped the water from his eyes, floating only a few feet from the younger.

“Fun, yeah?” Taemin splashed him playfully.

Onew nodded, shaking his hair out smoothing it some.

Taemin splashed him harder with both hands.

“Stop it, you brat!” Onew splashed him back.

They laughed together, playing in the cold river water, swimming, trying to dunk each other underneath. Taemin had pushed down on Onew’s shoulders and the older grabbed his waist pulling him down with him. They both came up seconds later Onew holding Taemin’s body to his, the laughter quieted and their smiles faded.

Taemin looked over him. His body was paler than his, abnormally so, but still beautiful, almost angelic. His light blonde hair was like a halo in the sun. Beads of water cascading down his neck and collarbones like water in the river over the rocks. His eyes, Taemin could almost see himself reflected in them.

“You’re beautiful.” Taemin’s words came out choked.

“What’s wrong?” Onew watched as a tear fell from Taemin’s eye, and trickle down his cheek, getting lost in in the droplets of water on his face.

“I...I...I’m...” More tears fell and Taemin pulled himself into Onew’s frame and held onto him.

“Taemin...what’s wrong? Are you okay?” He was shocked as he held him back. The boy never once looked close to tears when he spoke of his death, his family, his friends, his regrets. And here he was breaking down in his arms in the cold river.

“I don’t know...I ...I don’t....I think so...I think I’m okay.” He stuttered.

“Come on.” Onew floated them to the bank and let Taemin get out first.

They sat in a sunny spot on the grass, letting the sun dry them.

“Taemin...” Onew started. He didn’t know what else to say.

“I’m sorry.” Taemin said embarrassed. “I don’t know what came over me.”

“Are you okay?”

Taemin nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine now. I just felt very overwhelmed for a second.” Taemin lay on his back, hands behind his head. “I don’t understand how this works.” He sighed heavily.

Onew lay beside him mirroring his position. “What is there left to understand?” He asked calmly.

“I’m dead.”

“That’s right.”

“So how am I here? How are we here? Why did I shiver from the cold water? The grass tickles, the sun is warm, but I’m dead. I shouldn’t feel that. And why do I feel so emotional all of a sudden?” He rambled on.

“Taemin, this is a transitional place. It’s a place to prepare your mind, your soul for what comes next. And what happens here is dependent on you, on your needs. It’s all relative.”

“But how am I feeling these things?” He sounded frustrated. “And what’s next, when? I...”

“You remember what all these things feel like Taemin. Just because you died doesn’t mean you don’t remember what it’s like to shiver from the cold, to feel you’re skin warmed by the sun. Just like you remember you’re family and friends, their faces, their voices.” He paused for a while, and didn’t speak again until he noticed out of the corner of his eye Taemin turning his head to look at him. “And three things can happen Taemin. One...you stay here, you don’t accept this fate and stay in limbo. Two...you cross over to the afterlife. Three...you’re reborn.”

“What determines if you cross over or if you’re reborn?”

“Each soul has a given amount of time on Earth, a certain amount of chances, certain things to accomplish. A lot of that depends on choices made, the lives it’s lived, experiences it’s had...” He trailed off.

“Can you I ask you something?”

Onew laughed. “What’s stopping you now?”

“It’s a personal question.”

“You can ask. But I can’t promise I’ll have an answer.”

“Why are you still here?”

“I don’t know. I think maybe if I knew, I wouldn’t still be here.”

“These things...the water, the sun...do you feel them too?”

“Yes.”

“But you don’t have any memories before you got here of you’re life?”

“No.”

“Wow. Isn’t that hard? Doesn’t it make you sad?”

“I don’t know. No. I don’t know any different Taemin. It’s like amnesia I guess. And I remember sensory things, but not emotional things.”

“Will you stay here with me?”

The question was innocent enough given what they were talking about, but it hit Onew hard enough to make his chest ache. The feeling was...familiar.

“Onew...?”

“It’s my job to make sure you have safe passage to the afterlife or to your new life.”

“And if I stay here?”

Onew winced at the question, hoping Taemin didn’t notice his reaction. “Then you decide when I go.”

“Why don’t people just want to stay here?”

“Do you like how you are feeling right now? Undecided, not belonging here or there?”

Taemin shook his head even though Onew wasn’t looking at him.

“You get the chance to start anew or be in peace. Nobody really stays here out of choice.”

“Then why?”

“Unfinished business, unrequited feelings, guilt. A number of things.”

“Thank you.”

“Hmm, for what?”

“For answering my questions. The longer I’m in this place, the more anxious I get.”

“I wish I could provide more concrete answers for you.”

“Just hearing you speak is a comfort to me. You could talk about nothing, and the sound of your voice would soothe me I think.”

Onew’s brow furrowed and risked a glance at the other, hair shinning in the sun, eyes closed, long lashes resting on his cheeks.

As strange as it was he understood. The situation was weird enough as it was, he didn’t need to solidify it by saying anything out loud. But just as Taemin said his voice was a comfort to him, just the boys presence in this short time was giving Onew a warm feeling he was thankful for. He never thought himself troubled since he didn’t recall anything of his past, he always just thought of being an empty shell, but somehow Taemin being here made him feel more complete.

They drifted into a dream like state in the warm afternoon, you couldn’t call it sleep necessarily since they had no bodies to rest, but their minds drifted away.

~Taemin walked up a steep hill, he felt the bite of chilly autumn air on his face. He pulled his coat around his neck and put his hands in his pockets. The sun was setting, casting shadows against the pink and yellow sky. The grassy field was golden and orange, red hovered in the big tree at the crest of the hill. No matter how much he walked he never got closer, the wind picked up, he ducked his face inside the warmth of his coat shielding him from the bitter cold. He heard whimpering up ahead and quickened his pace. The tree kept the same distance away but the cries got louder.

Suddenly he was pulled from the chilly autumn back to the sunny warmth of the river bank. But the crying continued, he rolled over to see Onew clutching at his chest, fabric of his shirt balled up in his fist. Taemin acted on impulse and shook him gently to stir him from whatever was happening in his head.

~Onew heard the sound of a piano playing in another room, the melody was familiar. He walked in the direction of the music as if going through a tunnel, at the end it opened up to a figure seated at a grand piano, his back to him. Onew approached him with confidence, placing his hand on the man’s shoulder. The figure turned to him and Onew was met with a blank face. Nothing. No eyes, no nose, no lips, no structure, just a flesh colored blur. He screamed and stumbled backwards, the tune on the piano never stopping as the faceless figure stayed turned in his direction. He fell onto his backside, still scrambling to put distance between him and the piano. He felt something on his shoulder making him shriek, he turned and the same man was knelt behind him a blurry hand on his shoulder, same blank face. He screamed before everything crumbled into gray ash...

He was met with the bright sun in his eyes and Taemin gently shaking him.

“Hyung....wake up....erm...it’s okay. Everything’s okay.”

He jolted up on his elbows. “T...Taemin....w-what...”

“You were dreaming I guess. You were crying.”

Onew patted his face and felt the dampness from his fallen tears. “I uh..I...wow.” The dream came back to him in flashes the music, the faceless stranger, the ashes.

“What happened?”

“There was...” He quickly stopped, “I uh, don’t know. I just remember us talking a bit ago and then you shaking me back to.”

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

Onew nodded in response but Taemin didn’t believe it for a second. “We should leave here.”

~

Onew’s pace had slowed to the point where Taemin was actually leading him, eyes downcast to the ground. The road had left them long ago now barely a worn down path of grass leading them through, Taemin felt like a turning point had been reached. He couldn’t explain what it was exactly, but something was going on that had started to shake him right down to his core. He didn’t know how long he had been stopped in the middle of the path before Onew walked up and put a hand gently on his shoulder. The touch was familiar to him, even though he barely had any contact with the guide.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes. I ah...I guess. I feel like I’m missing something all of a sudden. Like there is something here that I’m supposed to find.”

“What do you mean missing...what are looking for?”

Taemin leaned his head back and shut his eyes, “I don’t know, that’s the most frustrating part. It’s like it’s right here in front of me...and I don’t see it. And I feel like it’s really important. Like, I have to figure this out before...”

“Taemin, this is odd. When we first...”

“What’s that?” Taemin cut him off pointing to a small structure. An open pavilion could be seen just at the crest of a small hill off the path ahead of them.

Onew looked up, cursing under his breath when he realized what it was.

Taemin squinted when he thought he saw movement. “Wait, is that...?” He looked over at Onew who had not bothered answering him. “Are there other people here?” Some of the excitement was returning to his face. “Seriously?! Wow, come on!” Taemin tugged at Onew’s sleeve a little before he took off in a run towards the building.

Onew stayed behind in no hurry to meet the person that was there. He’d seen the building before, met the man inside before, many times in fact. He always managed to appear in different places, and it was never a pleasant experience for him.

Taemin got to the steps leading into the roofed in area and paused. It was lovely, the roof’s tiles were a deep brown clay, walls and pillars a brilliant red outlined in gold, the steps made of stone leading to the entrance that was just a little too high for him to sneak a look inside.

He didn’t hear anything either, at first he thought maybe he was seeing things. Stranger things had happened since he’d been here.

“Uh...hello? Is anyone in there?”

“Ah...yes.” A voice replied from within.

Taemin perked up and walked up the stairs, the building was small, no more than a sitting room, a plush cushioned bench lined the walls and a small table sat in the middle with various fruits and wines. Taemin saw the source of the voice lying on his back, one leg bent, his arms resting behind his head.

Taemin quickly bowed at the stranger. “Hi, I’m Taemin.”

The stranger turned his head in slight annoyance, studying him from head to toe for a long moment before sitting up, turning to put his feet on the floor.

“I uh...I’m sorry for just showing up like this, but..” he suddenly felt like he had been imposing and was about to back away before the man smirked at him.

“Oh my. You’re too cute.” He chuckled to himself. He stood and extended his hand in a greeting. “Hello Taemin. I’m Heechul.”

“Hello.”

“Please have a seat, I’m sure you’ve been doing a lot walking.” He gave Taemin a knowing look. “And have something to eat and drink if you like.” He gestured to the table before taking a seat again, leaning back crossing on leg over the other, arms resting on the back of the bench a smug look on his face. “So Taemin...”

Taemin looked outside for Onew, wondering what was taking him so long, before he sat across from Heechul.

“Are you new here? Surely you are,” asking and answering his own question. “I haven’t seen you before. Are you alone? No, you’re not yet. I can tell.” Heechul paused, studying him for a moment. He clicked his teeth. “No, I don’t know you, but there’s something...” His eyes narrowed, “who are you with?”

Before Taemin could reply or before Heechul could answer himself again, soft steps were heard.

“He’s with me.”

Taemin smiled, thankful Onew finally showed up.

“Ah!” Heechul exclaimed. “Of course, it’s you!” He stood up and hugged Onew awkwardly, the blonde’s arms never returning the embrace.

“Heechul.” Onew bowed politely when Heechul released him.

“Just as lively as ever I see.” Heechul resumed his seated position. “I should have known this was yours. I understand now.” He looked over at Taemin. “Please have a seat.”

Onew sighed and took a seat next to Taemin.

“Have a drink, relax.”

Onew glared a little at him.

Taemin looked at him and then to Heechul and back again. “So you two know each other?”

Onew remained stoic. Of course Heechul spoke up, “ah yes. We met not long after he arrived, but it’s been quite sometime since we’ve seen each other.”

“How did you meet?” He kept looking at Onew, who’s face never changed, resembling a statue.

“Very similar to how we met just now Taemin.” Heechul reached to the table and picked up a bunch of grapes. “He was with his guide at the time, and wandered onto my doorstep.” He popped a grape in his mouth and kept talking. “It was so long ago, but I remember it like yesterday.”

Taemin felt his stomach grumble and looked at Heechul eating the fruit.

“It’s not real.” Onew finally spoke up.

“Huh?” Taemin looked at him confused.

“The fruit. It’s not real.”

“But...”

“The wine isn’t real.”

Heechul kept eating indifferent to the others words.

“This building isn’t really here.”

Taemin looked around. “I don’t understand.”

“It’s all an illusion Taemin, created by him.” The last word was bitter. “And don’t believe anything he says, because his words are just as deceiving as the these things you see around you.”

“If it’s his illusion how can we see it?”

Heechul looked at Onew waiting for his answer.

“His illusions are that powerful.”

“Wow.” Heechul said in almost disbelief. “I’m flattered, really.” He reached to the table and picked up an apple. “Here.” He tossed the fruit to Taemin. “Feel it?”

Taemin nodded.

“Smell it?”

Taemin brought the fruit to his nose and nodded again.

“Go on, bite it.”

He took a chunk out of the fruit.

“Taste it?”

Indeed he did, the juice of the apple dripping down his chin as he took another bite. “Yes.”

“I don’t know what your grudge is against me honestly. I’m just here to help. It’s no different than anything else your mind has held onto from the life before. I don’t think I would call that illusions. They’re memories.”

“Help? You have no purpose here Heechul. You’re stuck just like the rest of them.”

“You mean just like you?”

“At least I try to make myself useful.”

“Hey! Just because I couldn’t help you, doesn’t mean I don’t have work to do here.” Heechul raised his voice glaring back at Onew.

Taemin stopped eating nearly choking in surprise.

“What are you guys talking about?” Taemin broke the uncomfortable silence while the two males continued in their stare off.

“I’m a souls last hope.” Heechul finally spoke, the calm back in his voice.

“You’re delusional.”

Heechul ignored Onew and continued answering Taemin’s question. “You know how he guides souls either to the next or after life?”

Taemin nodded, continuing to eat again.

“And I’m sure by now you’ve figured out that some aren’t so accepting of either fate ending up here, lost...so to say. The soul still tries to hold onto the mind and the mind works in very strange ways. Repressing memories, forgetting, sometimes creating an alternative reality, denial, feeling that they have unfinished business.”

Taemin couldn’t help but look over to Onew.

“My job is to help them. Remember why they are here, help them see why it’s their time to move on. “

“You’re full of yourself.” Onew chimed in.

“But it doesn’t always work?”

Onew sighed heavily that Taemin was encouraging this conversation to continue.

“Unfortunately no. Sometimes I’ll make multiple attempts with a soul. Keep coming back to them if I think there is even the slightest bit of hope.”

“You’ve made multiple attempts with Onew?”

Onew rolled his eyes.

Heechul nodded. “Yes, for some reason, I just can’t give up on him.” He smiled at the blonde sitting across from him, amused by how he looked like pouting child.

“So you’re here for another attempt?”

“On him? No. Not today.”

Onew shot Heehcul a look, surprised. He had assumed that’s what this was about. “What?” He hissed through gritted teeth.

“I appeared here for you, Taemin.”

Onew looked over at Taemin and felt his heart sink.


	3. Chapter 3

“What do you mean you’re here for me?” Taemin asked quietly, not even trying to hide the fear in his voice. “I thought he was going to take me where I needed to go.”

Heechul gave him a sympathetic smile. “He is. I’m just here to help.”

Onew stood up. “Stop it Heechul.” He grabbed Taemin. “Come on, let’s go.”

“You shouldn’t interfere.” Heechul glared at him. “You could be the very reason this has happened.”

“What?! How could this be my fault?!” Onew’s voice was rising in pitch.

Heechul stood so they were face to face. “Everything was fine until he spent a few days with you.”

Onew let Taemin’s arm fall from his hand. He didn’t want Heechul to be right but he couldn’t help letting some of the blame fall to him. Something had happened, he had gone wrong somewhere. If he had just kept quiet and let Taemin follow him this...

“It’s not your fault Onew.” Taemin broke his train of thought and stood between his guide and Heechul. “Please don’t think that, we can go...I’ll go with you...I-”

“No.”

“But hyung. I thought you-”

Onew turned his head to face the younger. “It doesn’t matter what I think.” Onew felt like his heart was breaking staring into Taemin’s eyes at that moment, he looked so scared. “You’ll be okay, he can’t hurt you. And if he can help prevent you from ending up like me it’s worth it okay?”

Taemin hesitated before he nodded.

“I’ll wait for you.”

Heechul put a comforting hand on Onew’s shoulder, patting it a couple of times. “There’s so much at stake right now, I only wish you realized it.”

Onew sighed and broke his eyes away from Taemin, heading down the stairs of the pavilion.

Heechul popped the cork on a bottle of wine and filled up a glass.  He handed it Taemin who took it reluctantly. Then poured one nearly to the brim for himself before he sat down next to the boy.  “Something has happened along the way Taemin. Something that has changed your resolve. I’m here to intervene.”

Taemin looked at him confused. “My resolve...”

“Yes.” Heechul motioned for him to drink. “Do you remember when you first got here, how you felt?” Taemin nodded. “How do you feel now?”

Taemin took a long drink from his glass, the wine making his tongue feel dry. “I don’t know. When I got here, I wasn’t afraid. But the longer I’m here...things are happening. I keep getting these visions, these overwhelming emotions I’ve never felt before. I think it’s trying to tell me something.”

“Have you seen these things before?”

“Not that I remember.” He paused. “I think he’s having them too. Is that...normal?”

Heechul shook his head. “Not for him. He doesn’t even remember his name Taemin. He doesn’t remember anything.”

Taemin gently swirled the burgundy liquid around in the glass. “Like amnesia.”

“Sort of but with amnesia it’s just your mind. Here your soul is involved too.”

“And you can’t help him?”

“I’ve tried. Many times.”

“Is that why he hates you?”

“I would say so. He doesn’t understand what’s happened to him, why he can’t remember, and if I can do what I say I can it doesn’t make sense to him. So he’s resentful, bitter, and directs that towards me personally.” Heechul crossed his arms in frustration. “It’s unfair really.” He sounded like he was whining.

“But you know, you know his name, you know what happened to him, why he doesn’t remember, you know why I’m feeling the way I am now.” Heechul nodded to everything. “ Am I going to end up lost here too?”

Heechul stopped at the last question. “That I can’t say because I really don’t know. That’s ultimately up to you in the end. If you can solve this mystery that’s surrounding you right now.”

“It has something to do with him too, doesn’t it?” Heechul picked up a plate of dried persimmons offering one to Taemin who shook his head in frustration, he shrugged before he put the plate down, laying back as if bored. “Why can’t you just tell us what’s going on?”

“I can’t tell you what to think or how to feel. Anymore than he can tell you which path you need to take at the end of all this. It’s something you have to come to on your own. I just put you back on track.”

“What can you tell me?”

“The same thing I told him before he walked out of here, there’s a lot at stake right now, more than either of you know.”

Taemin sighed heavily and emptied his glass, leaning back next to Heechul. He suddenly felt very burdened, limbs heavy, mind a tangled mess of thoughts. He closed his eyes.

Heechul saw the glass tip as Taemin’s muscles relaxed as he dozed off. He gently pulled it from his hands careful not to disturb him. He got up and walked out of the pavilion and found Onew sitting on the bottom step. He slid over to make room for Heechul.

“Is he asleep?”

“Yes.”

“For how long?”

“A while.”

“Can he hear us?”

“No.”

Jinki nodded looking down at his hands. “I’m sorry. For how I acted in there.”

“Apologizing to me?” Heechul raised his eyebrows in mocking.

Jinki took a deep breath. “Can you help him?”

“Why do you care? You think what I do is a joke anyway.”

“Heechul...” Onew sounded defeated

‘It’s not like this hasn’t happened before. You’ve seen lost souls, you know better than anyone what it’s like. What makes him any different?”

Onew thought about it. “I don’t know.”

“I think you do.”

Onew looked at him.

“I’ve known you for a long time. And you have never shown an ounce of emotion for anyone or anything until now. I see it in your eyes, the concern you have. You need to seriously ask yourself why you feel like this, what is it about Taemin that has brought you here.”

“He can’t end up like this, like me. Just help him.”

“I think I can but I’m going to need your cooperation to get him out of this before it’s too late.”

“What did you mean in there when you said there was a lot at stake?”

Heechul clicked his teeth as he stood. “Better start soul searching yourself blondie if you want that answer. Don’t stray too far, but don’t come in unless I call for you.”

“I’ll be here.” Onew waited outside anxiously. True he had his doubts about Heechul, but the fear and desperation he felt right now had him reaching out for anything. He knew things with Taemin were different, and he noticed the changes in him since that scene at the river but he never thought it was this serious.

Heechul went back to Taemin who was sound asleep sitting up in a very awkward position. He lit a candle in middle of the table and sat next to the boy, studying his features.

“Such a pretty thing.” He sighed and pulled the boy's head into his lap, laying him down gently on his side. He relaxed and ran his fingers through Taemin’s hair in a soothing motion. Taemin’s body relaxed against him. “Don’t resist it.” Heechul cooed. “Open yourself to everything. Let it all flood in. If you don’t face it now you may never get out.”

Taemin’s brow furrowed as he slipped further into a dream like state, his hand gripped Heechul’s thigh. Heechul nodded and continued to stroke the boy’s dark hair away from his face, studying his expression.

It wasn’t long before Taemin started talking in his slumber. Heechul observed him quietly slipping in and out of his thoughts when necessary to give him a push, speaking softly every now and then to encourage him onward.

Taemin opened his eyes and looked around confused at first...this wasn’t the pavilion, Heechul was gone...he was...this was his home, this was his mom’s kitchen. He was back at home with his family. His heart started racing as he looked outside the patio doors, his parents were grilling; the day was gorgeous. Jongin was there, his older brother was there. He stepped outside and was shocked to see himself there too and seated next to him was Onew...

He stepped backwards in shock, how was he seeing himself? And what was his guide doing here? He suddenly felt very sick. This was impossible but everything felt too real. He could hear Jongin’s goofy laughter, the smell of the meat cooking, the hot sun on his skin.

“Taemin, can you boys set the table?” His mom called.

The sound of his mother’s voice left Taemin choked. He clutched at his chest watching himself and Onew get up from the table. He took a deep breath as he felt them rush past him in the doorway brushing his arm. They came back through with an armful of various things, napkins, utensils, and put them all down where everyone could reach.

He watched himself smile as they sat back down, his guide looking over to him warmly resting his head on his shoulder.

His eyes widened...wait...Onew...that’s not...

Before he could think about it anymore he was snapped out of the warm sun into the rain. He looked around trying to gather his surroundings, he was on sidewalk now, businesses were lined up across the street from him. The cars that drove past were...older? He sank against the wall, this was...not the present, he had no idea when or where he was.

But then he saw Onew again in front of a shop talking to the owner, a small package in his hands. He was dressed in a suit and looked quite different from how he remembered him, and how he saw him at the dinner table with his family. He had color to his skin, his hair was dark brown, he smiled.

“Wait! Onew!” He called out and he tried to step forward but when he did he was standing underneath a huge tree. The same tree from his vision by the river.

He saw himself again seated under it, a much younger version 15 or 16 maybe, leaning back to back against a much younger version of...

“Jinki, I should get going.” He heard his younger self speak softly. “Mom will be worried.”

The other boy spoke but he couldn’t make out what he was saying.

The air went from warm to cold in a matter of seconds and he saw the figures start to blur around him.

“Please don’t go yet.” Onew appeared again, looking over his shoulder at Taemin, as they are now.

This....what is this? Taemin sank to his knees. Confusion and frustration taking him over. “Who are you?!” He cried out.

Smoke enveloped the couple he was watching under the tree, the smell filling Taemin’s nostrils. His vision went black, all he could feel was heat, his own screams filled his ears, his throat burned.

“I’ll find you Jinki.”

Taemin woke up screaming, crying, jolting upright and meeting Heechul’s eyes wide in fear.

Onew heard his screams and started up the stairs despite Heechul’s request. “Taemin...”

“Jinki.” Taemin mumbled looking to the doorway of the pavilion, hearing the footsteps rushing up the stairs.

“Not yet.” Heechul whispered.

Onew rushed in the pavilion entrance only to find it vacant, two empty glasses on the table, Heechul and Taemin both gone. “Taemin.” Onew felt himself start to panic. “Taemin!” He looked around outside through the open windows. “Taemin! Where are you!? Heechul!” He rushed back down the stairs and circled the building. “TAEMIN! TAEMIN! Where are you!? HEECHUL, dammit Heechul! Where are you?”

He turned his back to the building towards the wood line, eyes searching desperately for any sign, ears straining in the echo of his own yells. He spun around and saw an empty field behind him now, the pavilion gone, it had disappeared. “TAEMINNNN!” He screamed.

Heechul snickered behind him. “So theatrical.”

Onew spun around and gripped Heechul’s shirt in his fist. “Where is he?” He gritted through his teeth.

“I’m sorry Onew, but he’s moved on.”


	4. Chapter 4

"Liar!"

“Can’t get anything past you blondie.”

Onew shook him roughly, jarring him forward. “Heechul I’m not playing with you right now.”

“Clearly, but I’m not going to tell you anything until you let go of me and start showing a little respect.” He jerked Onew’s hands off of him and took a step back, straightening out his clothes. “He’s fine. He just needed a little more time. You’ll see him again, don’t worry.”

Onew tried to calm down. “Don’t lie to me Heechul.”

“Now, what reason would I have to lie to you? I never have, despite what you might think.”

“Where is he?”

“Come with me.” Heechul ignored the question.

The guide remained still, part of him wanted to trust Heechul, the other wanted to look for Taemin.

Heechul sighed in frustration. “Seriously. Don’t be a brat, I expect more from you.”

Onew resigned and followed the man back into his pavilion which managed to appear out of thin air again.

“Sit.” Heechul motioned to the bench behind him. “One day you should really learn to trust me. Have a little faith.”

“You’ve done nothing to earn that from me.” Onew reluctantly took a seat.

“I think you’ll be surprised.” Heechul leaned over to the table and poured two glasses of wine, handing one to Onew, who refused it.

“No. Not again.” Heechul rolled his eyes. “The last time you did that to me I was out for who knows how long, hours…days?” Heechul shrugged as if he didn’t care. “And I felt like a zombie for a very long time after. I can’t afford to do that now, I need to find Taemin.”

“How is being a zombie any different from what you are now?” He took a seat next to the other. “Besides, you won’t find him.” He leaned back to sit comfortably taking a sip from his glass.

“What?! You said…”

“Not until it’s the right time.”

“Heechul, don’t play games right now…please….” He begged, trying to stay calm.

“So like I told you before, it’s in your best interest to cooperate with me.” He tried handing over the wine again.

“Fine.” Onew grabbed the glass and downed the red liquid in a few large gulps.

Heechul smirked. “I don’t know why you’re like this with me honestly.” He talked as Onew sat down his glass and leaned back. “You’re so quiet with all the souls you’ve led. So loving with Taemin. When you first arrived you were so respectful with Leeteuk when he tried to take you on.”

Onew felt his body get heavy.

“But with me you’re just a petulant little shit.”

“It’s…you said…” Onew mumbled fighting the sleep trying to overtake him. “You gave me false hope. I did….” His eyes rolled back in his head.

“Don’t fight it.” Heechul said softly.

“…trust you.” Onew whispered out as his head fell to his shoulder and the rest of his body went limp.

“There you go.” Heechul looked at Onew. “I’m sorry I couldn’t help you then. But please don’t lose hope yet.”

He took Onew in his lap and held him much the same way he did with Taemin, soothing him with soft touches and words, encouraging him. His eyelashes fluttered as he went deeper into his mind, visions of the past and present stirring.

Onew felt something in his hand, he looked down and it was a black box with a gold ribbon around it. He was in a brightly lit room, the large window on the west side of the house bringing the daylight in on everything. His body tensed when he noticed the grand piano, he gripped the small box in this hands nervously.

Why was he here again?

There was muffled voice to his left and he felt the seat next to him dip slightly. He looked over and the faceless figure from before was there. His mind screamed for him to move away, to run again, but his body stayed put like he had no control over it.

What the hell is going on?

The muffled voice continued, by the tone it didn’t sound threatening but he still couldn’t make out anything it said.

His body continued to be a vessel his mind could not navigate; he watched through his own eyes as he took the blurred hand in his own and placed the box in it. He watched blurred finger tips pull at the ribbon and lift the lid, revealing a pocket watch.

My watch….

There were more distorted responses. A blurred hand was placed on his thigh, the touch left the skin there tingling as if his leg had fallen asleep. Just as he started to get used to the strange entity next to him, just as he stopped being so afraid of it, the room turned to ashes and smoke again and he felt his body being engulfed by cold.

He panicked, trying to open his eyes, get a grip on his surroundings; he felt like he was being sucked down.

Kick, he screamed to himself. Kick!.

When he reached the surface he was at the river again with Taemin.

The younger was smiling and playful. Then in his arms, tears flowing down his cheeks.

Taemin….

The boy was pulled from his arms, sinking into the depths of the river.  He tried to grab for him but he kept slipping away.  

No wait! Taemin!

Just as water started to fill his lungs he was pulled from the river and was in a kitchen now. He inhaled deeply, the smell of food invaded his nose.

A voice came from the other room, still distorted but he could start to make out what it was saying now. The source walked in the room, features still a blur.  “Hyung, that smells amazing.” It came out robotic.

Hyung….

A hand brushed along his lower back as the figure went to the cupboard and started to pull out dishes. The touch gave him that same tingling feeling as the hand on his thigh did before. Onew groaned, a sudden pain in his head throbbing against his temples.

Before he could regain focus he found himself on a bed, a lantern the only thing illuminating the room. He felt something warm resting on his chest and in his arms and he looked down and saw a body curled into his own against his bare skin. A head of shiny black hair rising and falling with his own breath, but he couldn’t see the face from how they were laying. He moved a little trying to see only to have the person in his arms give a little whine and hold onto him tighter.

He saw his hand move up to stroke the silky hair, he tried to say something, he tried to breathe but nothing would go in or out of his lungs.

Onew felt his head start to spin, a sick feeling rising in his gut.

The figure vanished and his skin was cold in the absence. He laid there, panting.  A sharp pain hit behind his eyes.

His own voice echoed in his ears.  Who was that?  What was going on?

“Shhh…Jinki it’s okay, everything is going to be okay. Don’t be afraid.” He heard Taemin’s voice like it was hanging on the air around him. He looked around and smelled smoke. He heard a scream. His scream? But it was coming from somewhere else. He gripped his throat.

Everything went black.

When he opened his eyes he was under a great big tree. He heard the sound of his own sobbing and felt his body shake, he still felt like he was suffocating.

“Jinki…”

Jinki?

He still heard Taemin but there was no one there.  All he saw was smoke rolling in on the horizon.

Onew fell onto the floor in the pavilion gasping for air, clothes sticking to his skin with sweat.

“What…how long…” He pushed on his head in pain.

Heechul held his breath, hoping, praying that he came back with something this time. That it worked.

Onew met his eyes and saw the concern in them.  “Taemin…” Onew tried to stand but fell back over.

“Take your time you fool.” Heechul helped him up onto the cushioned bench.

Onew squeezed his eyes shut and tried to shake off the hungover feeling.

“Well…” Heechul was getting impatient.

“I saw Taemin there, I heard him but….” He cursed and pulled at his hair. “I felt like I was so close Heechul. To something…who is Jinki?”

Heechul patted his back, he felt defeated himself. Even though they were closer than they had been before it wasn’t enough. Onew had never come back with his name before, even though he still didn’t know the significance of it.

He looked at Heechul. His face was paled, lips dry, eyes bloodshot. He looked ill. “You should rest a while.”

“I…I can’t…” He got up, stumbling a little on his feet and clumsily walked down the stairs outside.

“Where are you going?”

“To find Taemin.”

“I told you, you won’t find him this way! You need to rest!”

“Will he be okay?” Taemin spoke up from behind him.

Heechul sighed and nodded. “Eventually. He’s being stubborn.”

“So he won’t see me again until he remembers?” Heechul nodded. “So I can stay with him until then?”

“Taemin.” He flopped down and poured himself another drink. “Maybe you should think about if he doesn’t come out of this. He’s been here for a long time and…I just don’t want to give you any false hopes.” Heechul didn’t forget what Onew said as he slipped out of consciousness in his arms.

“I can’t do that. Not now. We’ve come so far.”

Heechul fell back against the cushions his arm over his eyes. “I’m sorry.” His sincerity sounded almost unnatural coming from him.

“For what?”

“Ever since you both came here ages ago and got separated, I felt so bad that I couldn’t help him. I’ve run across so many in my time that couldn’t be helped, but you two. Your love. I felt it was so important to keep that intact. And I feel like I’ve failed.”

Taemin placed a hand on Heechul’s knee. “No. I think you’ve brought us as far as you can. The rest is up to us.” He dropped his hand and walked away.

~

Onew stumbled around on shaky legs, blurred vision not helping his balance. He knew he should have stayed with Heechul until he came out of it more, but he couldn’t waste anymore time. He felt like everything was just out of his reach, and so much time had already been wasted. He couldn’t just sit idly by, he had to do something.

Taemin followed him a few paces behind. He wanted to help him, take his arm, hold him up, steady him, soothe him, comfort him, tell him everything. Seeing him suffer like this broke his heart, and to know he had been like this for so long, holding this all back. He clutched at his chest. “Please Jinki,” he whispered to himself.

Onew fell over, his body still for a few seconds before he rolled over to his back, chest rising and falling heavily.

Taemin knelt next to him. “You aren’t alone.” He whispered.

Onew perked up, as if he heard something. Taemin’s eyes went wide; Heechul said he wouldn’t know I was here. How could he…?

“Taemin?” Onew looked around, a tear fell from the corner of his eye.

“I’m here Jinki. I’m right next to you. Come back to me. Please.” He felt himself losing composure.

“Come back to me.” Onew repeated. “Taemin, I was…I’m so lonely now that you’re gone. I don’t know why. I don’t understand.”

They stayed like that on the dirt path for a long time before Onew rose to his knees and stood carefully, shuffling along again. A little more careful than before, but still having to find purchase on a tree every now and then to steady himself.

Taemin didn’t know where he planned on going but they kept wandering well into the night, they had veered off the path a while ago. He listened to Jinki mumbling something to himself every now and then, gripping at his hair. He looked mad.

“Jinki, just stop already….” Taemin begged and as if he heard the younger boy’s request Onew fell over into the tall grass and remained still.  Taemin sat next to him watching the dim light from the moon illuminate his face. He was clammy and the shadows under his eyes were dark.

“Oh Jinki…” He talked on even though he knew the other couldn’t hear him. It was comfort to himself at least. “How has it come down to this? I’m so sorry that I couldn’t be here for you. It wasn’t your fault. It was nobody’s fault.”

Onew rolled over to him almost as if he was responding to his presence, to his words.

“All this time you’ve been lost and alone. Beating yourself up for something you don’t even remember. Heechul is right, you are stubborn. Is the guilt that much? Did you not have faith in me? I told you I’d find you.” Taemin was crying now. “All the lifetimes we’ve spent together. Finding each other in the oddest of places. Reunited time and time again. Knowing once we did, that feeling, being complete. That’s what you’re feeling.” He sobbed and watched Jinki’s face contort in pain as he curled into himself.

“Taemin…Taemin I’m sorry.” He trembled. He was still out of it, whatever happened while he was with Heechul hadn’t worn off just yet. Onew found himself falling back in and out of his visions.

Onew was in the same bedroom as before; it was dark outside. There was a single figure lying on the bed. He walked up and saw Taemin asleep peacefully, blanket curled around his face. He couldn’t help but smile at how cute he looked, but the moment was short lived when he noticed the smell of smoke creeping into his nostrils. He looked around and saw smoke creeping from under the door.

“Taemin…” He shook the boy. “Taemin wake up please.” He tried pulling him out of bed but he seemed glued to mattress, arm slipping from his grip.

He looked around panicked.

“TAEMIN!” He heard a voice yelling from outside, he went to the window. He saw a version of himself running down the street, throwing his belongings onto the sidewalk. Quickly approaching their home, he could see smoke rolling out of it. “TAEMIN! ARE YOU IN THERE?”

Taemin coughed. The room was filling up quickly. He saw the boy on the bed stir, squinting his eyes as he sat up. “Jinki?”

“Taemin get out…you need to get out now.” Onew’s pleads went unheard.

Taemin started to panic as he came to, realizing what was going on. He ran to the door and gripped the handle.

“Ah!” He coughed, pulling away his palm burning from the hot metal.

“TAEMIN!”

He ran to the window and could only get it open a crack, the smoke rushing towards the fresh source of air. “JI…JINKI! I…can’t…get out.” He banged on the window, looking down from the second story, the thick glass reverberating against every hit.

“Stay there! Stay there, I’m coming after you.”

“No, Jinki don’t!”

Onew looked around the room, everything was hazy, gray swirling around them.

Taemin crouched by the window, tears filled his eyes, he tried to calm his breathing, and stretched his sleeve over his mouth and nose.

They both heard a crash coming from outside.

“No no no no.” Taemin rocked back and forth.

Onew stood helplessly, looking from Taemin then to the door and back again, waiting for himself to burst in but it didn’t happen.

There was a loud crash and then silence. “Jinki…” Taemin got up quickly and went to the door and almost grabbing the handle again, he picked up a towel from the dresser and opened it. A wall of smoke hit him and the heat flooded his face. He stumbled back covering his face looking down the hall. Flames took over the west end of the house they shared.

Onew saw himself at the end of the hall way, slumped against the wall, a beam on top of him. Taemin ran down to him. He looked around, the stairwell was now covered in flames.  Jinki was out cold, the only room left was their bedroom he just came out of. There was another loud crash and Taemin shrieked as another beam caved in from the roof behind him. They were trapped here, the walls and ceiling melting around them.

“Jinki!” He shook at him. “JINKI!” He coughed as he strained to push the beam off, burning his palms in the process. “Jinki…” Taemin patted his cheeks. Gray soot covering it. “Jinki…wake up, Jinki…”

“Taemin…” Jinki said hoarsely.

“Why?” He croaked. Tears streaking down the black ash on his face. “You should have just left me.”

Jinki slipped in a out of consciousness as his breath got shallow. “Never. I…c-could never do that. I’m sorry I couldn’t get you out.”

“Shhhh.” He pulled Jinki into his arms as the wall collapsed completely behind him.

“We’ll find each other again, Jinki. I promise.” The arms around him went limp and even through the lack of oxygen and sobbing he choked out, “I’ll find you, even if I have to go to the ends of universe. We’ll see each other again.”

Onew watched in total shock, in fear, in awe. The smoke not touching him, the heat not breaking a sweat on his forehead. He watched the two lovers, forced to say a rushed goodbye, with an incredible promise hanging on Taemin’s lips as he slipped away.

Onew felt his knees go weak. He collapsed, the roof caving in around him.

Taemin watched Jinki curled up sobbing.  He felt as helpless as he did that night. He knew what Jinki was seeing; he had gone through it himself. The fear, the guilt, living it all over again. The sun was peaking up over the horizon now, hints of blue tinting the black sky.

He heard Jinki’s breathing calm and the trembling eased. Only a few soft words left his lips, barely audible. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Taemin, I love you. I’m sorry.”

~

Jinki finally opened his eyes and felt the cool ground on his face. He groaned, his body stiff. The sun was high but there was shade all around him. He sat up and rubbed his face, trying to get out of the fog he was in.

Taemin sighed in relief, propped up against the tree, when he finally saw Jinki move. “It took you long enough.”  He muttered to himself.

Jinki jerked around to the sound of Taemin’s voice behind him. “Taemin…”

Taemin’s eyes went wide. “You heard me. Then that means…”

Jinki turned to him and cupped his face in his hands. He kept opening his mouth like he wanted to say something. But no words would come to him, he just stared at the younger in disbelief.

“You forgot about me.” Taemin pouted.

“I’m sorry, Minnie, I forgot about everything.” He kissed his forehead gently.

Taemin placed his hands over Jinki’s. “I told you I’d find you. Even if I had to go to the end of the universe. Which apparently I did.” He chuckled.

“I’m sorry. For everything, I’m sorry, I’m so…”

Taemin kissed his lips to stop him from continuing. “No.” He pulled back as Jinki hugged him tightly.

“I love you Taemin. So very much.” He whispered into Taemin’s neck.

Taemin held onto Jinki leaning against the large maple tree, they recounted everything that happened, piecing all of the memories together that spanned over lifetimes with each other.

“I don’t know how long I existed before you came along but…” Jinki rested his head on Taemin’s shoulder as they watched the sunset. “…nothing that happened before you really mattered.”

Taemin didn’t say anything and Jinki sat up to look at him.  The dark haired boy smiled sadly. “I can’t stay.”

Jinki nodded. “I know.”

~

“I liked you better blonde.”

Jinki looked up from his book to see Heechul. No pavilion, no wine, no tricks, just an old friend now. He smiled. “I don’t really care about your preferences.” He teased.

The redhead clicked his teeth as he sat down next to Jinki under the maple tree, the leaves falling down around in the brilliant colors of yellow and orange against the golden grass. “Still petulant I see.”

Jinki laughed.

“You know, I thought after I helped you two get your memories of each other back you would be able to move on from this sad existence of yours.”

“Who said I was sad?”

Heechul looked at him confused. “You’re still waiting here. Instead of moving on.”

Jinki nodded. “I know who I am now and I know why I’m here. And I’ll wait for him as long as I need to. I have several lifetimes of memories to keep my mind occupied until he’s ready to join me again.”

“I think I liked you better before you became a hopeless romantic too.” He smirked at Jinki.

Jinki smiled and went back to reading. Material possessions here were rare, his watch being only one of the few he had seen before this. This book had come to him a few hours after Taemin had left him to go back, to keep living out his time on Earth. Heechul had brought the large volume to him and said the boy had requested it be made. He took it confused at first, smoothing his finger along the embossed letters on the leather cover.

And Then You Found Me.

He flipped open the cover and on the first page there was a note from Taemin.

I don’t know how long I will be gone and I’m sorry for that.  But I hope this will help pass the time until I come find you again.  Always love, Taemin.

Jinki turned the page and was shocked as he started reading, tears welled in his eyes and he had to sit down. It was everything they had experienced from Taemin’s point of view. All of his memories, from every first meeting to every goodbye and everything in between. From the mundane to the most significant.

The book was worn by now, the leather binding cracked, the pages wrinkled in spots from overuse. He had no idea how many times he had read it from cover to cover, the words were as familiar to him as his own by now, and his hands felt empty if he wasn’t holding it. Taemin had left a part of himself behind for Jinki, his own memories. And Jinki kept them close, cherishing them until the day Taemin came back and he could return them.


End file.
